I like to think in pictures and places.
Depending on how I am feeling or what I am going through, it helps me to have a visual idea of "where" I am. I'm sure many of you think about or experience things the same way: sometimes you are in a dessert, sometimes it is a mountain top, other times it is a quiet lake...
I love this way of seeing life. It gives so many more dimensions to what we see and experience and adds depth to what we think and feel.
Lately, in my conversations with God, I've been asking to get to know him more, and to let him be more a part of me than I've let him be before. I believe that God loves me a ton, and that he teaches me about life and helps me love other people...and so that is a relationship I want to pursue.
As a result of this pursuit...the way my soul has felt lately isn't exactly peachy. God has taken me up on my desire to have him more apart of my life, but that initially means rooting through all the crap that I keep inside me and getting rid of it. He knows that, if I'm going to become a more loving person, I have to get rid of my pride and bitterness. He knows that, if I'm going to become a more selfless and compassionate person, I have to get rid of my self-absorbedness.
So, as you can imagine, it's not the most pleasant experience. I know those are things I don't want to be apart of who I am. But coming face to face with the part of me that "thinks she's the smartest and never needs to be told what to do" is not fun. Pretty humbling actually.
Amidst this all, though, I have a very distinct image of where I am.
I am in a dusky harbour, where the water is calm.
I am not in massive waves, tossing extra materials overboard. I am not in a dark storm, crying out as my last ditch effort. I am not alone on miles of empty sea.
I am safe and protected, and in a place of peace where I can quietly open up my soul and let those yucky attributes be brought to light and rooted out.
This is a place I've never been before. My confrontations with sin and with God have almost always come out of storms and fear and 'last resorts'. And, I'll probably end up in more storms in the future.
But now, I can rest and learn from the calm of the harbour, protected, with no fear or mistrust.