Last night we had a family "session" all centred around a couple personality tests we took a couple months ago. One of them was the Enneagram and the other was the DISC test (sanguine, choleric/Lion, otter, etc.). My dad had done and discussed these with his coworkers and thought it would be a cool thing to do with the fam! I'm sure many of us have done personality tests before, but doing so in communally added a whole new and more in-depth element. External processing (of course after a couple months of internal processing) and feedback from the people who see me at my best and my worst was very interesting and hugely beneficial.
The dynamic of the Enneagram is that, you are not a "type" who is trying to move away from that type or be better than what that type offers. Instead, it is a matter of redeeming (one of my favorite words). To redeem something is to take it as it is, but fulfill or make amends for the negative parts of that thing. In this case, the essence or basics of my personality will probably always be the same, but the negative or harsh parts of it need to be, and can be, redeemed.
This is hopeful. In my personal processing of my test results I went through what many people initially feel. "This is so not me" or "The good parts are me, but the bad parts are way off!" And then I went on with my life, experienced some difficulty, ran into some stress, and suddenly....it was all me. Especially the bad parts.
And believe me, my results for both of these tests weren't the nice ones. Here are my words: Dominator and Challenger. Oh gosh.
So obviously I need a little redeeming. I also need to apologize to anyone who's ever been my friend, in a group project with me, in my family, in a relationship with me, played a game with me.... I'm a little more...hmm...intense than I thought...
The encouraging thing is that I do see that God is doing some redeeming of my personality. I come to a place where I'm like "Holy kamoly I am a jerk" and He's like "alright..let's see what we can work on..." and with His help I do, in fact, see little changes.
And I have to realize that, the essence and basics of my personality are what they are. I will always be a little gung-ho to change the world. I have been given confidence and determination and a fighting spirit for good reasons and I can be proud of those aspects. But the other parts, the not so pleasant ones, can and are being redeemed and I have to keep working and asking God to tame those "dominating" qualities. Like maybe I don't need to fight for the sake of fighting... And maybe I'm not always right, despite whatever I think... And maybe vulnerability truly is better than being the toughest...
Yikes. Learning, man.