My interactions with people are changing. Maybe not visibly, but internally. I'm happier for people. I can see the adventure that they are on or observe the gifts that they have and I'm more able to celebrate those things. And it comes down to the fact that their joy and their life no longer reflects back something that I'm lacking.
It feels groundbreaking to me, like I'm suddenly free! The gifts, the dreams, the looks and the experiences of another person are beautiful things. And they are not mine, and that's okay. For so long it felt like I was not able to celebrate others because I was so disappointed it wasn't me. I honestly felt like they were being great, doing awesome things, ON PURPOSE, to rub it in my face. Well that's just next level selfish.
I realized that I had found a good place when I looked at a recent instagram post of a girl I used to go to school with. She's beautiful, she lives in a cool city, she works in a cool coffee shop. And my first thought was, "wow, that is so cool that she is doing that!". It surprised me, as typically my thought process would be: "She's living one of my dreams. I always wanted to move somewhere like that and live that life. If only I looked more like her." *jealous jealous jealous blahblahblah*.
And I realized that, while I have dreams for the things I want to do, I also have dreams for the person I want to be. The person I want to be is someone who is full of love, and who celebrates everything, and who is an encourager. I cannot hold both of those things in my hands: being a person who is envious and constantly striving to prove their worth, or being a person who is content and celebratory of everyone's worth. I have to let one go. And considering how free it feels, I think I made the right choice. Comparison, envy, discontent...these are heavy feelings. They drag us down and they hold us back from fully loving. I want my care for others to feel free and fearless.
I realize I write about this particular topic a lot. The fight against the insecurity is very important to me, because I feel like it is an epidemic, in particular in many women today. It is a battlefield of comparison, not only with physical looks, but with personality, abilities, and relationships. I'm so done with it! How much would we change the way we perceived ourselves and how our friends perceived themselves if we simply started giving genuine encouragement to the women in our lives? (I believe this is true for the men in my life as well, but I think there is a more loaded problem behind why we don't encourage the women around us) What if we took the risk and opted to celebrate rather than to envy? Beautiful things could happen...